The symptoms of Laurinaitis are two-fold. You’ll experience one set if you are you are wearing scarlet and gray and sitting in the stands and another polar opposite grouping if you’re wearing other colors and/or on the football field with “The Man”.

I’ll describe the more pleasant and quirky side of having “Laurinaitis”. Generally, you have a cheering disposition. You have a frequent tendency to start “O-H-I-O” cheers. Each fall, your Saturdays are spent practicing your faith along with the rest of Buckeye Nation. You also display some undeniably eccentric behavior, such as:

• Chewing all of your food 33 times before swallowing instead of 32.
• If you live in Columbus, you go out of your way so you can drive on Route 33 every day.
• You start and circulate a petition to Baskin Robbins demanding they add two more original flavors so there are 33 total. From there you demand they rebrand their company and promotional materials.
• Your favorite restaurant is Boston’s 33 Restaurant & Lounge.

It happens and it cannot be explained. Just accept it and know that you are not alone.

Now for those poor unfortunate souls reeling from an overwhelming case of “Laurinaitis”. You can expect headaches, migraines, shortness of breath (as if a freight train has just hit you), soreness, extreme fear, vivid nightmares, and paranoia. You will also find yourself spending a lot of time on your back, not knowing where you are.

There is no known cure for Laurinaitis. While some symptoms make life more enjoyable, the not-so-pleasant ones can be combatted by converting to the church of Ohio State. It’s never too late, and it does a body good.